Fillets of Plaice by Gerald Durrell

Author:Gerald Durrell
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781447214489
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
Published: 1971-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

5. A Question of Degrees

The family doctor shook his head more in sorrow than in anger.

‘Strain,’ he repeated. ‘Overwork and over-worry. What you need is three weeks in Abbotsford.’

‘You mean the loony bin?’ I asked.

‘It isn’t a loony bin. It’s a highly respectable nursing home that specialises in nervous complaints,’ he said severely.

‘In other words a loony bin,’ I said.

‘I thought that you would have known better,’ said the family doctor sadly.

‘A loose generic term,’ I said. ‘Is it that sprawling Strawberry Hill Gothic edifice that looks like Dracula’s castle – the thing straight out of Hollywood – on the way to Surbiton?’

‘Yes, that’s the place.’

‘Well, I don’t suppose that will be so bad,’ I said judiciously. ‘I can nip up to town to see my friends and the odd show . . .’

‘You will do nothing of the sort,’ the family doctor interrupted firmly. ‘Complete rest and quiet is what you need.’

‘Couldn’t I have a going-in party?’ I pleaded.

‘A going-in party?’

‘Well, debs have their coming-out parties. Why can’t I have a going-in party? Just a select band of friends to wish me God Speed on my way to the padded cell.’

The family doctor winced and sighed.

‘You will probably have it even if I tell you not to,’ he said in a resigned manner, ‘so I suppose you can.’

The party was a small one held in an excellent curry restaurant in Soho. It was during the course of the evening that I felt something trickling down my chin and, on wiping my mouth with my napkin, I was surprised to see it stained with blood. It was obvious that my nose was bleeding. Fortunately, both the lighting and the decor of the restaurant lent themselves well to this manifestation and I managed to staunch the flow without any untoward comment. I was not so lucky on the following day.

It was a week before Christmas and it was therefore necessary for me – on my way to Abbotsford – to deviate from my route slightly so as to call in at the King’s Road to deliver an almost life-sized Teddy bear who squatted regally in a transparent plastic bag and wore nothing except a handsome maroon-coloured tie.

I got out of the taxi, clasping the bear round its ample middle, rang the front door bell, and my nose started to bleed copiously. It was well-nigh impossible, I discovered, to hold the bear under one arm while staunching the flow of blood with the other, so I put the bear between my legs, thus freeing my hands.

‘What are you doing?’ inquired my wife from the interior of the taxi.

‘By dose is bleeding again,’ I said through my blood-stained handkerchief.

With the bear between my legs and the blood streaming down my face, I presented an arresting sight even by King’s Road standards.

A small crowd collected.

‘Give the bear to the sweet-shop next door and ask them to give it to Peter,’ my wife hissed. ‘You can’t stand there like that.’

The crowd had hitherto been silent, digesting this slightly macabre spectacle.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.